Life on the rollercoaster

Some days i like being me and then there are those days that i can't even stand the sound of my own voice. Blame it on hormones, Eve, stress, bad food, what ever floats your boat but in the end it always come back to the fact that no matter how i "feel" i have the choice to sin or not to sin. That is the question. Sometimes, like tonight, when i am fed up with the day that the next person that is rude might not like what they get back. Funny thing about rudeness, Our ladies small group just did a study on it last week. it has been in the forefront of my mind all week, "don't repay evil for evil". But at the end of a day, when I'm tired, when i have heard enough rude or negative things this week i crack. I melt into a pity party of "why does it have to be so hard?". Sometimes this fight between the flesh and the spirit can feel like a roller coaster. Not the kind i like ether. the nasty kind. the kind that you cant see what will happen next. the kind of ride that you think will go right and then it swings left and upside down. One second i am calm and taking deep breaths and having a great day in the Lord and then all of a sudden my focus goes fuzzy and i lose it on my own kid or my husband or a friend.  I have hid the word in my heart. I know the right thing to do but sometimes i can be so thick, so slow to seek God and allow him to "take the wheel".  

2 Corinthians 12:9-119 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I love these verses so much. I want to see them lived out in my life. I want so badly to have someone that really knows me say "i see that you did not react the way i thought you would, i see God working in you." Some days i am like a little kid always looking to a parent to let me know I'm on the right track, I'm doing the right thing. Some days i have such a hard time letting His grace be sufficient." I guess this tale is more for me than anyone else. I am weak tonight. i need Him to make me strong. I have been allowing dumb worldly stress to block my view of His throne. I am Peter being vain enough to think i could walk on the water all by myself. "Lord i need you, oh i need you. Every Hour (second) i need you. my one defense, (against myself) my righteousness, oh God how i need you."