I am Ellison's mom

Meeting new people is one of my favorite things. I love to learn their names,even if I don't always remember it. I love to hear where they came from. What they do for a living. I am always energized by people. If I was a super hero I guess my name might be "Super extrovert".
Part of the fun of meeting new people is the give and take of questions. There is one question that everyone will inevitably ask, "do you have kids?" and that is always followed by "how many do you have?" I love and hate this question every time its asked. The proper answer is of course, "I have two kids." That is the "right" answer. The one that makes everyone feel OK.. But what I really want to say, nay,what i want to yell is, "I have three beautiful kids. Adaline (10) Ellison (8 in earth years) and Benjamin (6)."
I love to talk about Ellison. To remember her. But it makes others feel awkward or put off. No one knows how to handle child loss. I think because they put themselves in your place for just a split second and they can't even think how they would deal with it so they don't know what to say.I always know they mean it when people say "I'm sorry"  but I never know where to go from there. I should just say "thank you" and move on but just because I have lived through child loss does not mean I know how to "handle it" either. Sometimes I am just as awkward as they are and make a joke.
I don't want people to be sad when they hear about Elli. The main reason I don't want people to be sad or make that "sympathy" face when they hear about Ellison is because even though I miss her every day and wish she could be here with me I am not sad. I am healed. I am set free.  I morn, but not in the same way as those that have no hope. (1 Thes. 4:13)
I will never get to fight with Elli to brush her hair. I will never know if she would have been a girly girl or a dragon loving tom boy like her older sister. I will never get to stop a fight between her and her little brother because, "MOM, he is bugging me again!!" But all of that is OK because I have hope. I have hope that the word of God is true and I will get to see my sweet girl and spend all of eternity with her. I have hope that I will get to know her soul deeper and far better than i ever could have here on earth. I have peace because I know she is well taken care of in the presence of God himself and He loves her far more than I ever could.
One of the reasons I want to talk about Ellison to others, to tell them her story, is to give that hope away to them. To show them that "with God all things really are possible."(matt. 9:26) That God can heal hearts, minds and spirits if we trust him to do so. None of us, not even one, has to live our life out of pain, rejection or misery. We can turn to our Father and ask, seek and knock and it says He will give us the peace we are looking for. Why live with pain from the past? Why go through a current storm alone and shaken when you don't have to? Cry to Jesus and he will hear you. He will give you peace. That does not mean everything will be sunshine and roses. I still have to walk the road of loss of one of my babies, but I walk that road with hope, peace and joy that i know do not come from with in me. Try Him. He is OK with you not understanding all of it. He is OK with your anger and pain. Just tell Him about it. talk to him. He already knows your heart anyway. Be real with Him but then, when you have spent all your words, let Him speak to you the truth. Let Him love on you. Let Him in.