Something I have been rolling over and over in my mind for the last few years is this mantra that we see in memes, in posters all over, that Christians can "forgive but never forget". At first glance that seems like wisdom. Sure, if you hurt me once I should not put myself in harms way over and over but something about it did not sit well with me.
Over time as I thought and prayed on this concept I think I now know why it never felt right...there is not one time Jesus said this. Jesus did not look at the thief on the cross next to him and say, "Today you will be with me in paradise but I will never forget all the times you sinned against me." In fact, Jesus always taught the exact opposite of that philosophy. In Matthew 18:21-22 Jesus is asked this exact question. Someone comes to Jesus with an agenda to justify non-forgetness (not a typo, people want to say they forgive but to not forget means they get to hold onto the bitterness) and asks him "Lord, how many times do I have to forgive my brother?" Now stop right there. This question is not even asking about when pagans sin against us, it is specifically asking "Hey teacher, there is this one guy at my synagogue that I just don't like. He can be kind of a jerk. When am I allowed to hate him?" to which Jesus replies, "Um, never. If a brother (or sister) sins against you and they ask for forgiveness you give it over and over because that is how I love you and all I have ever asked of you is to love others the way you have been loved." (my very lose and modern paraphrase. you can read the original for yourself)
The biggest problem with a mantra like "I will forgive you but I will never forget." is that it has a tiny bit of truth to it that makes it kind of sound ok. What I mean is there will be people in your life that you should be guarded with. If you have a sister addicted to drugs I would not suggest she be left alone with your money. That would be unwise. But if she has stolen and sinned against you in the past a great way to show her, the least of these, that you truly do forgive and forget is to drop by her flop house apartment with a hot meal once in a while and just remind her you are praying for her. Tell her you love her. That you forgive like Christ forgives.If you hold her sin against her and we are the ones commissioned to "be the Jesus people see" why on earth would she want to come to Christ? There are people that we should be careful of in this sinful world but they are far fewer of them then we act like. Most people that run around with the battle cry "I forgive but I never forget!!!" are using it against people that have asked for forgiveness. If someone sins against you and they see their sin and they own it that is when you forgive AND forget. Really the only time Jesus ever withholds forgive and forgetness is to the "religious" people that don't own their sin and repent.
I would never say that if a sin has happened between friends that there should be a immediate restoration to the friendship. Trust can take time to rebuild and that is ok, but if one or both of the parties claims to have forgiven but wants to hold on to the hurt by not forgetting then there will never again be trust. What these two friends are saying in their un- forgetness is "I don't believe you when you said sorry and I still want to make you pay." WOW, I think we can all be really thankful that God never says that to us.
I am not perfect, far from it. I say the wrong things at the wrong times in the wrong tone but one thing I do know more than any other thing, I desperately want to be more like my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. If that means forgetting other Christians faults, giving grace and mercy than yes. I will, because I know how badly I need that from those around me.
I don't mean to sound self righteous by pointing this out. There have been times in my life where I have struggled to let go of a hurt but if we really do want to grow and be useful for God we have to let go of these selfish and childish ways of thinking. Jesus was all about turning the other cheek (Luke 6:29) and picking up his cross so that means that no matter what, we should be to if we want to take on his name.
"For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matt 7:2
Always sobering words to live by. Jesus asks us, above all else, to have a humble and contrite heart. Being humble and remembering how mu is the key to truly loving others the way Christ intended us to. If we can pray to always keep our own need for grace before us it becomes inconsequential what others do to us. We know how easily we can sin against others and that tension helps us give grace, forgiveness and forgetness to others when they need it most. That is the true love of others.
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