What are you made of?

In my youthful days I could have been called an "in your face" kind of gal. Not one to shy away from a fight, my words could be quick and cutting. It was something i was proud of...then. I now value peace in my life far more than being right. If you ask those closest to me I'm sure they would tell you that my skill for debate is still strong, but I'm a work in progress.I am brash, My tone comes off harsh and i work in sarcasm like a potter with clay. I have never feared people or really ever been intimidated. I have had many meeker gals tell me they envied me that. Funny how the grass is always greener because i always envied the "sweet girls". In one of my crazy daydreams there is a gentle girl dressed like a southern bell in a huge dress all lace and bows. she keeps her eyes down and only looks up to giggle and then looks away just a fast. So far from how i would imagine myself.In this odd daydream i would also be in a huge,fluffy dress,(what?i like big dresses). the only difference would be that i would burp, giggle and then make a joke about what the burp tasted like. I struggled with this for years. I wanted people to think of me a sweet, nice and lovable.I fought against conflict thinking that was my problem. "I'm just not going to bring anything up anymore." you know where that got me? Nowhere. the pressure just built up in my head until steam came out. OK, i had to look at this in a new way.It turns out conflict is not a bad thing. people have made it into a dirty word, but its actually healthy. Just depends on how you do it.We all need some conflict in our lives. It motivates, moves, stretches us. With out resistance we don't know what we are made of. "am i made of wood, glass or rubber?" you would never know until someone or some thing pushes on you.Then you see if you bend or break.it can be painful but once you know what you are you can work on who you want to be next, and oh yes, people can change!!  I had been fighting against my nature as a natural born leader. if i see a problem i want to fix it. i just needed the tools to "fix it in love".  I have worked hand in hand with a much higher power to get where I'm at today and i got to say i like me,(for the most part). My new philosophy in life, "Don't rock the boat unless the party is in the water". Meaning, unless it's a big deal, like we are missing the whole point, then just let it go.